We are bringing our summer series to a close today. We’ve been looking at building healthy relationships with each other in our church community. We talked about: Repentance, forgiveness, going to the one who has wronged you to seek peace; anger; gossip; and last week not judging. Today we deal with conflict.
The first thing I want to say is that –
Conflict is a normal part of life
Given our different backgrounds, life experiences, personalities, and understandings of things – it is inevitable. We will have disagreements in faith and practice – all the way to what the color of the carpet should be & everything in between!
What I am sayings is that it is not a sin to disagree. In fact, it is not even a failure to disagree. Often conflict means that we are getting into real relationships with each other. We are getting past the small talk. Working through these conflicts can be tremendous for building true community.
Conflict was certainly a part of the early church
- In Acts 6:1 we find that the Judean Christians overlooked the needs of the Hellenistic Christians in terms of passing out the food rations to the widows. It says, “Now in these days when the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint by the Hellenists arose against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.”
- In 1 Corinthians 1:11 we see that there was quarrelling among different groups in the Corinthian church. It says, “For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers and sisters.”
- And in Philippians 4:2-3 we find two coworkers of Paul who could not get along. It says, “I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel . . ..”
Conflict is normal and when we see it among us we should not be surprised. I mean, think about it, if the apostolic church had it – certainly we will! The key is how you respond to it. This is where we get into trouble; this is where we can fail or fall into sin. So let me share with you seven things to do when there is conflict that will help us to work toward peace.
1. Love the person
Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 in terms of conflict. “Love is patient and kind” in the midst of conflict. “Love does not envy or boast. Love is not arrogant or rude” in how it responds to the other. “Love does not insist on its own way.” It is open to hear the other; it is yielding. “Love is not irritable or resentful. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” It is not happy if the other person is shown to be wrong. The focus is on what is best and right. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” Even when there is conflict.
This is how we should treat others with whom we disagree. We should never demonize them, tear down, or think the worst of them just because they dare not agree with us. Loving the other person is foundational.
2. Go to the other person
It is not necessary that we agree on everything, but in some cases we have to come to a resolution to move forward or to get along. In these cases – don’t go to someone else and gossip, go to the person you disagree with. This comes from Matthew 18:15. This is talking about when someone has wronged you, but the principle of face to face contact certainly applies here also.
3. Work hard to understand the other person’s point of view
James 1:19 says in part, “Know this, my beloved sisters and brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak . . ..” You should be quick to hear the one who disagrees with you. You should be slow to speak, actually listening and not just waiting to give your side. Understand their position clearly and why they hold it. You should be able to make their case for them.
4. Seek to find a mutually satisfying resolution
In Acts 6 we saw how there was a conflict in the Jerusalem church over the food allotment for widows between the Judean Jews and the Hellenistic Jews. Well, they came together and found a solution that satisfied everyone. The apostles would focus on preaching and prayer and they appointed seven deacons to tend to the practical needs of the community, including the widows.
Notice as well that these deacons all seem to have Hellenistic names. So the majority, the Judeans worked hard to take care of the concerns of the Hellenists. They put them in charge of the food allotment.
This is an example to us. Out of love and respect we work to deal with the issues in a way that is acceptable to all.
5. If necessary, accept mediation
If the two of you can’t work something out, let someone else come in who is good at working at resolutions; perhaps even a conflict mediator. In Philippians 4:2-3 Paul says, “I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel . . ..” Paul is talking to a specific person and asking him to help these women get along. For the sake of peace, be willing to accept this kind of help with your conflicts.
6. In some cases we might need to accept the disagreementand move forward separately but peacefully
Now often Christians separate over the smallest of issues; even just over having a conflict! But in some cases the disagreement is over central values or issues of conscience. This is different.
Paul & Barnabas could not agree on an important issue: taking Mark along with them on their second missionary journey. Mark had abandoned them on the first trip. Acts 15:39 says, “And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other.” One did ministry in one place and the other did ministry in another place.
Christians will not always agree on things. This is why we have different kinds of churches. But let it be without bitterness and spite. Notice that we find Paul later praising Barnabas (1 Corinthians 9) and wanting Mark’s services (Colossians 4).
7. In some cases we might need to allow mature believers to render a resolution
In 1 Corinthians 6:5, after rebuking them for taking each other to court (which Christians should never do), Paul says, “Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers?” Paul is saying, in essence, form your own (Christian) court. Gather mature, wise believers who can offer a resolution that both parties bind themselves to, even if it is not exactly what they wanted, for the sake of peace.
In all of this –
Our goal is to live in peace with one another
Listen to these admonitions to peace in the New Testament, which certainly apply to situations of conflict:
- “Be at peace with one another” – Mark 9:50
- “Be at peace among yourselves” – I Thessalonians 5:13
- “Live in harmony with one another” – Romans 12:16
- “Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual up-building” – Romans 14:19
- “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed your were called in the one body” – Colossians 3:15
- “Pursue peace with everyone” – Hebrews 12:14
We find this peace, not by sweeping conflict under the rug, or living in denial, but by dealing with it in the ways that we have looked at.
Sometimes it takes hard work to deal with conflict
And the temptation is to deny it or sweep it under the rug. Just because conflict is normal, doesn’t mean it is easy. It can be very painful, distressing and trying. But as Paul says, “If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” – Romans 12:18. This doesn’t mean live peaceably until it seems impossible and then don’t live peaceably. It means for your part do everything you can to live in peace with others. You can’t force someone to live in peace with you. But do all you can from your end.
Let us each commit to do everything in our power to live in peace with one another, by working through our conflicts even when it is hard.
William Higgins
Christian teaching 
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